It's Been a While


It’s been quite a while since I’ve written on my blog. If you missed it, my family suffered the tragic and very unexpected loss of one of my younger sisters right before Thanksgiving (more on that here) and it’s been radio silence from me ever since. I’ve taken a lot of time off the last two months to take care of my dad, who my sister lived with, as well as handle her affairs and work on some deep inner healing for myself.

Nikki’s untimely death brought to light a lot of my own shit that I was totally avoiding and unwilling to face, as well as the grim reality of how deeply she was suffering during the last few months of her life. We had a complicated relationship and have very intense family dynamics, so that made the last few months all the more difficult to navigate. Fortunately, I’ve built up an extremely incredible support network for myself over the last several years and have had amazing people stepping in to help with logistics and take care of me, as well as afford me the time to sneak away to take care of myself.

Because of the extreme overwhelm I was dealing with in terms of grief, emotions, and bearing the burden of helping my dad help himself, I began exploring new modalities and opportunities for healing. I finally started therapy, which I avoided way too long because I thought that since I was strong and was doing some of my own inner work I didn’t need counseling (spoiler alert: I was totally wrong and it’s been so transformative, even in just two months). I’m also going to give acupuncture a try with a local acupuncturist who really believes in one’s ability to heal themselves. (Have you done this before? I’m a little nervous but also excited to see what it’s all about.)

Often times tragedy prompts us to reassess and reevaluate our lives to tap into what's truly important. I've done a lot of realigning my actions and goals with what I want out of life over the last few months. The timing coincided well with the Winter Solstice and beginning of a new calendar year, and I'm grateful for the opportunity I gave myself to take a step back and gain a 30,000-foot view of my life so that I could make some intentional pivots.

During this life audit, I realized that I hadn’t taken hardly any time to actually enjoy my life last year; instead, I spent most of it feeling frazzled and disconnected in the hustle of daily life and keeping Sage & Sea afloat. That’s all changed since December and I’m using the word “ALLOW” to guide me through 2018 to remind myself to slow down and to seek surrender over trying to force things into fruition. I’ve been making more time for yoga, reading, writing, and reflection which I (sadly) basically wrote off in 2017 because I was so focused on growing my business on the side of my day job while also fulfilling my roles of mom, wife, and housekeeper.

Mid-January I attended an amazing women’s circle that I shared about over on Instagram, and have been working through some additional online coursework and studies about working with the timing of nature’s cycles (the season’s, lunar cycles, etc.) in really profound ways. I’m totally loving learning, or really remembering, things that women knew and practiced many moons ago but we’ve been conditioned to forget or hold less important than many things central to our current culture. I can’t wait to share more with you soon.

The biggest shift for me came with my initiation into Reiki Mastery at the end of January. I began practicing Reiki in 2013 sort of on a whim, and I’ve dabbled in helping others through Reiki over the years but never really felt called to take a deep dive into it for my own personal healing and growth. It definitely wasn’t even something I was practicing regularly on myself before because I just didn’t quite get it.

In the fall, I felt the whisper from my soul to take the journey in becoming a Reiki Master. (For those who aren’t familiar with this path, there are 3 levels of attunement to pass before becoming a Master and being able to teach Reiki and attune others to its energy.) With each level of Reiki there are different things to work through, such as the physical body, emotional body, and spiritual body. Usually, once you take the step into the next level you notice somewhere in your life that things shift for you, and I was feeling fearful of what that shift would be for me this time around.

A month after I committed to becoming a Reiki Master I got the news of my sister’s death. After Nikki’s passing I no longer felt afraid - I felt 100% ready to dive headfirst into the deep end and finally allow all the things I haven’t been dealing with to surface; I knew none of this was an accident in terms of my personal healing journey. Exactly 2 months to the day of her death was when I officially became a Reiki Master (Divine timing at its finest) and I didn’t even make that connection until the close of the weekend.

I spent my master weekend with my wonderful teacher and another beautiful student, immersed in healing myself and learning how to completely step into my role as a healer and energy worker. I had so many a-ha moments, and things that hadn’t made sense before (like memorizing the Reiki symbols) instantly clicked because I was finally ready for this next step in my evolutionary journey.

I gained some serious confidence and learned to more deeply trust myself and my intuition, which has already served me well in my life and business. I’ve learned more about myself and my purpose over the last few weeks than I think I’ve really felt or known in the last several years, and am finally willing to have the patience to see how it all plays out without rushing it; I'm allowing what will be to be.

I’m so grateful to have come out of the last two months a stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate woman and am excited about opening new doors for helping you heal yourself (because you are totally capable of doing so!). I’ll be writing some blog posts in the near future about what a Reiki session actually looks like because I know many people haven’t experienced one before, and I often incorporate additional healing tools (like tarot and oracle cards) into my sessions to gain even more insight into what’s going on for you.

If this post is something that sparks your interest or you feel a little nudge from the Universe to learn more about Reiki I have some additional information on my website here. I currently offer in-person sessions with very limited availability at Mind Body Barre fitness and healing studio in Easton, MA, as well as evening distance healing sessions throughout the week. I plan to begin offering in-person sessions in Providence, RI soon as well - stay tuned.

Kendalyn BanksComment